May 20th, 2004
change my name to taintedfeelings! check it out!
May 18th, 2004
|09:04 pm - ??|
Right now, I dunno. I dunno how I feel.. I dunno if I have any feelings left in me to even have. Over this past year, my feelings and emotions have been played with and betrayed, and walked all over by a lot of people. I dunno. I am starting to see that that has happened alot over my whole life. Everytime I allow myself to give my emotions and feelings to someone, they either take em and run, or just throw them down and walk away. It hurts so bad to evenlook at people. I know I said that I am going to move foward in life, and I try really hard, but like everytime I do, something hits me in the face and makes me stumble backwards. I can't take it anymore, but like I am surrounded by walls that I just can't get over.. This is going to be hard again. Man I hate times like these.. especcially now that I am alone..
|06:47 pm - aaaaaahhhhh|
omg! I honestly don't know what else could go wrong right now!!!
May 15th, 2004
just after I tell you that life is awesome, andyou have to work through it, an ambulance pulls up, and takes aways the most amazing person that ever stepped into my life. I don't know if they will ever come back. And I don't know how I can just work past this one. it hits to close to home. My grandma had a stroke. The whole right side of her body is limp, and they don't right now, if she will ever be better. I have to sit by my phone all alone and wait to find out if I have to go and say good-bye.. This wasn't supposed to happen...
Current Mood: numb
Current Music: my own sobs
Well I dunno. Life is a crazy place. It is filled with love, hate, anger, and happiness. And over the past year I have felt everything above and more.. And there were many times that I just wanted everything to end, but now looking back, I see that everything has made me a better stronger person.. not weaker.. well I really wanna type everything in my heart right now, but I am really tired, and yea.. can't seem to decode what my heart it saying.. All I know is I love everyone!!
Current Mood: grateful
Current Music: as lovers go~~~ dashboard
Just a thought for everyone! If it happened in the past, I have moved on, and I will never go back to dwell upon what was said and done. I love you all, and I forgave it all so long ago, so let's move past our differences..
May 14th, 2004
Today was kinda a hard day. I see this person, and I see that they hurt inside, but they don't say anything. I hurt for them soo bad, and I want to reach out to them, but like, I just know that I could never in my dreams fill this position that they are longing for. I hate seeing this go on, but I don't feel in any position to say anything. Well, last night wasn't that great either, like I don't think people realize what they are doing. Like they only care about themselves, and have kinda forgot that I am a normal person, and still hurt sometimes. They only care about what they are going through, and think I want to hear about it. I mean I have moved on in life, but still I just don't want to know that this person is feeling the way he did for me for someone else, it isn't cool.. but oh well. They have become one of the most impersonal people I have ever met. It is driving me insane. They have went from someone that would ask what was wrong before they even know ing I was upset to just being like.. okk.. whatever.. I mean it just sucks. I could never go thruoght that if I was as close to this person as other people! so just eb strong.. you know who you are! I am here for ya!
Anywho.. Today's game.. well once again we lost, but like I think I played pretty darn well. I even caught a ball with my eye! HECK YEA!! IT was cool. Kyle was there for varsity, being a complete duech as usual, but hey whatever, he doesn't care that he makes me feel like crap.. oh well. Well yea, the ref's sucked butt! They were soo bad. This chick from RP grabbed the ball Mid air and set it down. IN THE FREEKING GOAL BOX!!! I was like sir!! WHAT THE HECK! He was like oh i didn't see it!! AHHHH oh well.. anywho.. oh well another game, another day!! anywho. I am really tired and my face is starting to burn! Speaking of burn. I came home and took a shower, then went downstairs, and we have this wood burner in our living room, and like I was just soo used to it being off because it has been so warm lately, and yea.. I went to sit on it, and yea.. it was definatly warm.. NAW IT WAS FREEKING HOT AS HECK!!
LOL I have a burned leg ahha
May 13th, 2004
Well, let me see!! It has been a while since I have updated in here.. Iunno.. I just don't have time, and if I do I am so lazy that I just don't fill it out. Anywho.. SOCCER!! Well, it sucks to be quite honest! I really just hate the way we have lost our spirit. and everyone out there on the field is just like ok whatever. Not saying that I am perfect, because I know very well that I am not, but I know that I work my butt off. oh well. I will just suck it up. Anywho. life is the same, nothing special. I am tired, so I will write more later! PEACE
May 10th, 2004
Well here ya'll be! I am updating. Today kinda sucked because so many people were in a bad mood and yea, I kinda got the crap end.. oh well.. I am tired! YAY My computer is finally fiexed! I will write more later!
May 6th, 2004
ok, I see that there are some problems with some people, but all I ask is, please stop arguing through my journal.. thanks!